Comments on: The BEST Birthday Present Ever http://room132.com/2005/10/30/the-best-birthday-present-ever/ A collaborative blog experiment from room 132. Tue, 06 Jan 2009 23:41:44 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5 By: Administrator http://room132.com/2005/10/30/the-best-birthday-present-ever/#comment-128 Administrator Mon, 14 Nov 2005 00:59:30 +0000 http://room132.com/index.php/2005/10/30/the-best-birthday-present-ever/#comment-128 I’m looking for focus, details, and a personal voice in poems. You have focus on your jacket. You've got details. Smell is a good detail to use in poems. You left me curious about how you might change if you took it off or put it on. The sparkly things don't do anything for the poem. If they were in the shape of a jacket, I'd feel differently. I’m looking for focus, details, and a personal voice in poems.

You have focus on your jacket.

You’ve got details. Smell is a good detail to use in poems.

You left me curious about how you might change if you took it off or put it on.

The sparkly things don’t do anything for the poem. If they were in the shape of a jacket, I’d feel differently.

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