Not Now!
Curses my pencils gone
It’s lost with out a trace
I spent five hours sharpening it
And now it’s gone
What shall I do?
To the dollar store!
For a pencil new
Not Now! 2
In second grade my pencil left for a land unknown
It’s not under my bed or couch and it can’t be in Rome
I spent five hours sharpening it to get it to this size
The other four a ready to be made into a make shift panpipe
Dear me what shall I do
To the dollar store for a pencil new
I had to do it two times so I hope you like them. I should not write this.
Administrator said,
November 13, 2005 @ 5:35 pm
I’m looking for focus, details, and a personal voice in poems.
You’ve got a clear focus on your pencil that is gone.
Your details are not very strong.
Your voice is not very strong. I don’t really get a sense that you are writing about something you care about.
Feel free to fix this up some more, or just let it go and make your next poem about something that you really care about or an experience that is vivid in your mind.
I also asked for no rhyming and your second poem rhymes to the point of sillyness.
Kanna said,
November 17, 2005 @ 9:13 pm
It is isnt it. Sorry Mr.P.