Suspense Story: Lost
In a Friday afternoon on the country road, two girls were riding their bikes to visit there grandmother. As they always did, they rode through a small trail that will lead them over a mountain of the windward side. Maybe it was because of the Thursday rain so the mountain was wet, but the sky was much darker then yesterday. Looks liked it was going to rain today.
“June, hurry up, we’ll never get to grandma’s house if you get playing around and pick up flowers.” Her sister shouted with a very angry voice.
Suddenly, the rain started to fell down as she said. “Look what you did! Now we’ll get wet and catch a cold and we won’t be able to get there on time.”
“I guess we should find a place to stay until the rain stops first. “June suggested.
They speed up their bikes and rode like the wind through the small trail, but the rain started to get into their eyes just when they saw an exit of this mountain trail June fell down from the bike, but Jenny the sister did not notice that, in fact she was so excited to get out of the dark trail and speeded up.” June, isn’t this great, we can finally see grandma!” Jenny said, but there was no reply. “June? Are you okay?” As she turned her head, June wasn’t there.” June? Is there some kind of joke?? Come out know, stop playing!” She started to worry.
Back to the dark trail in the mountain, June of still fainted on the ground. Slowly, she opened her eyes and found herself lost in the mountain. She couldn’t see anything in the dark, so without noticing, she walked back into the trail. Suddenly, there was a tap on her shoulder, she turned back to see who, but there was no body. She felt frightened, and started to shake. Even though, it was in the dark, but there seem to be a large shadow behind her. Another tap was on her shoulder, but this time she did not turned her head, instead, she grabbed a rock and through it into the owner of the shadow. Funny, as the rock flew, it didn’t seem to touch any thing at all. She kept shaking, and tried to calm down, but she couldn’t control herself. A reflected light came from the owner of that shadow, and a sever pain cut through her leg, “WOO!” She screamed.
“June where are you? Where are you?” Jenny repeated over and over. She then felt a tap on her shoulder so she turned back, “June! I knew you would come back, I was-” It wasn’t June, in fact, there was no body. She thought it was just her imagination, but a dark shadow rose from the ground. It almost looked like a person about seven feet tall with an umbrella on its head. It smiled with its shiny teeth, and a voice from the back said, “Welcome home, my dear.” It sounded like grandma, but after all the stress she had, she fainted by the sudden attack of that shadow..
A spoiled odor blew into Jenny’s nose, as all her sight felt dark and cold. She woke up as that odor kept getting stronger. A leg felt down from no where and landed on her laps. “Ha!” She shouted as she pushed the leg away from her. A cold feeling was on her back while she felt a touch on her shoulders, and a soft voice,” Where is my leg??” She thought it was because of the loneliness and fear that she had that make her to imagine that voice, but this time, the voice got louder, “Where is my leg?? I’m coming for it!” The voice said as she heard the foot step jump one step to the next. “Where is my leg?? I’m opening the door!” The voice said again while she heard the door opening. Another touch on her shoulders, except this time it stayed and touched her face. “WOOOW!”
Simba said,
October 5, 2005 @ 7:46 am
Very good title! I really liked it! It kept me on my toes the whole story!
-Simba the amazing Lion
Kanna said,
October 5, 2005 @ 7:48 am
Very good. Nice and scary.
fred said,
October 5, 2005 @ 3:15 pm
it was a really well written story. good job!
~fred
Carlotta said,
October 5, 2005 @ 8:53 pm
I liked this story
It also had a great title that made me want to read this
over the other ones
Lucaci said,
October 13, 2005 @ 7:52 am
I liked the ending with the big “WOOOW”
aswin said,
July 27, 2006 @ 5:08 am
it really suck u didn’t talk about the emotion or the feeling of the writing enough for me being a language art teacher i ashamed of you
umesh said,
December 6, 2006 @ 9:05 pm
touching and scary , but the end was not so good or not so realistic .
lolly said,
December 11, 2006 @ 11:49 am
this was a good story line, although the emotions, similies, adjectives e.t.c wern’t used enough. This was mweant to be a suspense story, not a documentary!
Johnny Boy said,
March 14, 2007 @ 5:29 pm
Wow, that’s a great story, it will sure be greater with more adjectives!!!
BECKI said,
May 21, 2007 @ 7:40 am
GREAT! but i feel as if the ending let down the story